(8) compared with others in order to achieve the pursuit of improvement, perfection, and adhering to high standards, self-confidence.
Postscript
(1) One hundred percent of the pursuit of the perfect accuracy of feeling]
often shouted to ask a lot of One protested: friends must follow its own principles. we will not be too many details of life care, not a lot of requirements. will be known as a perfectionist? because here the meaning of To achieve the supremacy of the great standards, some of the more minor criteria, in fact, can give compliance.
One friend used to have a share, and she has been taught since childhood must first take a bath before going to sleep at night, change into clean clothes before going to bed, so she insisted that the correct behavior for many years, has become used to it. When she married, learned that her husband will not take a bath before bedtime, at the beginning she did very dissatisfied, and many times to improve requirements. pity the husband not very willing to listen, so often a dispute between them. One day she suddenly felt like it, the couple almost get along with your patient, she decided to accept the husband can not be used before bed after a bath, and since then they have No longer a fight for that matter.
Another One pointed out that her mother is a more traditional generation, do not believe the girls in school for good results, as long as all disciplines qualified, can be smoothly progressing. But in schools, but teachers should encourage students to study hard and continue to pay, expect an excellent academic performance. The One who themselves, at a loss. because the One instinct is eager to progress, their performance is requirements, the mother's instructions not know how to meet the One. Results The One decided that since the mother did not order the test is not better results than qualified, she do what, but insisted it must at least pass be.
simply, One friend is relying on a standard to live another person. When there is a conflict between the standards and criteria, they will be a standard measure which is relatively more important, and will follow the more important standards, the other will have to give way. so regarded the pursuit of one hundred points do?
(2) One has different standards for different]
One mistake many people must be serious, keep rules of the people. But in fact, some One would allow their abusive language; Some One would allow their slovenly; One would allow myself some bad things about others, smoking, night life, and even the sale of pirated CDs. is because the growth different environment, different ways of family discipline, it will form a different standard.
not because he was late, foul language, slovenly or smoking, and those who deny the character he is One. If he is a completely compliance, dependency and meet their own standards to live person, an intense fear of violating their own standards, and One of the world such as the motto of his life, he is the One big possibility it.
(3 ) One purpose behave]
One would think that a lot of people do not allow their own fault, force yourself to act according to the standard is to get parents or other people's love and affirmation. But if you ask any one of the first, Most of them do not know the answer, because the One is to follow your own instincts standards. they will not behave questioned whether it is appropriate, but since childhood have been accustomed to this mode of life. One friend has been explored with a number of the problem, draw The conclusion is: not for other people and behave, simply because their demands on themselves only.
(4) One of the criteria can be changed]
One is to rely on its established standards and life, but the standard by around One environmental impacts. Whether parents, colleagues or friends, and even books, movies or television, can change the standard One. as long as they understand the new standards more effective and complete, the One will definitely be before the poor standard correction , because the One believe that people must be perfect, strive to progress, if a new standard is more accurate of Health, One will surely follow.
there was a One pointed out that she got married because the couple's habits and details of the very different requirements, so often a dispute for a number of little things. coupled with a large number of rules and standards One specializes in the wrong place to explore the characteristics and the inertia of the angry mood, increasing the frequency of two to quarrel, relationship began to deteriorate . to the second year, One can not stand, the decision in accordance with the recommendations of friends, read about couples get along and life philosophy books. She was inspired by some of the article, realize that the most important thing is to know how to love yourself. Since then, her decision, even if the husband does not listen to their demands, and he is not excited, happy to make himself comfortable with a top priority. a new standard will never be laid down.
5) One of them live in a critical]
had A One friend, when he knew Enneagram One feature in the post, he decided that his character is definitely not the One. He said: so high? the world is a gray area, how can a man is black or white? I would not be so bad, to compel other people to do things according to my standards. Taibuyinggai it, so I am not One. should be know how to judge right or wrong is a strong]
Please note that all One, know how to judge right or wrong is not a bad thing, this is your strong suit. you can use it to help understand some of the models were right or wrong to maintain a perfect world , but not too much emphasis on a right and wrong. You have to stand in each other's position to understand his choice, do not put yourself too hard, one and a half times the error does not mean losing your existence. In addition, your standards may not apply to all things, this world is not only to operate according to your standards, is the so-called
law to maintain order is a standard doctrine
One initiative seeking to give love a selfless altruism source
II view of the world natural temperament
II is to reach out new things, whether it is familiar or stranger, would like to close abnormal, smiling, of course, is love their parents. so II can see the world rule of thumb is love, very, very much love. Unfortunately, this kind of love is very difficult to be obtained, only when they can do some delightful post, love to appear. Therefore, they believe to be loved, must be relying on their pay to meet the needs of others, which will own the other side responded with gratitude, put yourself in an important position in my heart. II enjoying a prove its position in the eyes of others and feel a love, at the same time to assert themselves.
upbringing
II or when a child has been discussed quite know how to please their parents, understanding the needs of parents and will do our best to become the eyes of parents, boy. they do not expect any material reward, but only eager to get the attention of parents, I heard praise, a hug, or even an eye have made them feel satisfied. because they to do everything, just to get a love for their parents.
II had one talk about their childhood. She was born in a Teochew family, she was the fourth daughter of the family, perhaps because the traditional family patriarchal attitudes, or too many kids at home, father did not take her apple of his eye, but she will not Dali. then she, though a very young age, but also know that this situation can not be changed, so has no intention to please his father, from whom he expected to get more attention. Instead, her relationship with her mother is more intimate, always enjoyed the contact with the mother. She awakened every morning by her mother, was to take care to brush your teeth , wash, eat breakfast, and then the mother would have been carrying her, send her to school, the feeling is very sweet. The mother at home, work shops responsible for the cash register, when mothers leave the cashier, she would automatically take assisting in the cashier money, hoping the mother came back, smiling a happy smile. At that time, she, although only five years old little girl, but has been able to discern the needs of the mother.
II, another to share their childhood. His children, as General II, boundless love for their parents, will do everything possible to meet the requirements of the parents, hoping to curry favor with them. but not last, when the siblings born after their parents attention to the younger brothers and sisters who own the II Friends know that no matter how hard, can not regain the attention of their parents. In order to restore the feeling of being taken seriously, he would back outside, like students, teachers or friends are These concern. Therefore, he will continue to pay, take the initiative to help some targets, namely those friends II who wish to acquire their attention so that they are accounted for in the minds of those people is an important position to make up for lost love from their parents where . At this point, II friends in the eyes of their parents is no longer a good boy, it will be seen as a rebellious, less obedient, and always go out, ignoring the children do at home, but in the eyes of the target person, they are well-behaved and enthusiastic children.
II childhood also have a similar experience. he was a boy is very clever and really know how delightful, and very obey the command of their parents. When he was five or six years old, began to realize that the eccentric parents, compared loved his brother, attention is often put him at his brother. when he knows the eyes of their parents, did not occupy an important position, they settle old scores, it is harder for parents to pay more, hoping to get parents more love. But it did not, he always can not change the situation. When he rose to post-primary, then to fully energy services for students, often to help them do their homework, play around to accompany them to meet the needs of students first. because even less to stay at home, the mother did not mind the things asked, when he, in the eyes of parents, is no longer the good boy.
an isolated example of the above two, does not mean that II is outside nature, it is easy to forsake the family who just want to bring out the kid II has strong attention to the position of the eyes of others, every effort should occupy an important position in the eyes of others.
Key Features 1 thinking of inertia: the inertia of flattery flattery
II thinking is crawling on the ground, and world view is to do a number of delightful things can be loved, so whenever they want the love of a man, they're automatically will think how to cater to others, funny happy. In short, is the center of others:
he / she react? II want to be loved, and where the minds of those who occupy an important position, will be trying every means to match up, in exchange for the feeling of love or heart to heart. II target figure in childhood, usually their parents, teachers or classmates; into society, the object will be increased to include the superior, friendly colleagues, partners and their families; when, after having children, their children will join their ranks to please the target person.
as II good funny happy for other people's needs, especially those defined as targets II needs, II will be very easy to discern, it will automatically satisfy them. is an example, the boss on stage to speak, feel Some heat, is thinking about whether it should take off his coat, he has no implied or expressed before, the number two assistants sitting in the audience has come to the stage quietly, waiting for the boss took out her coat. < br> In order to please its target figure, II will put their own needs, to each other's needs first. if II need to complain perceived the target person, the II will play the role of a listener, listen carefully. Even if the words of the speaker to repeat the content of far-fetched, even unreasonable, tired of heart II have different views, but only in their hearts to refute, in his speech in front, II is still a smiley face audience, so as to allow grievances to do spit in front of people, is complaining the other side could not be easily detected II's inner thoughts.
II inner emotion is pride. You will often try to imagine a pay and often assist other to solve the problem of people who will think that their ability in the recipient, to be confident, believe in yourself in each other's eyes is absolutely an indispensable man. If this arrogant attitude intensified, then think Other people who lost their help can not survive.
have a number two social workers have been sharing their experiences. Because of her service to be transferred to another department in the last day of the original work of the department, she received a new girl's case transferred to other social workers to follow up. later by chance, she and former colleagues meeting was informed that this girl committed a theft, but also unmarried pregnant, her heart immediately thought: by their own follow-up, the girl will get better, will not be trouble. always on the outside world, people from outside. they rely upon to pay the return to support its own identity and values, in order to continue to get this recognition II keen to meet the needs of others, and sometimes make themselves physically and mentally exhausted, even if the violation their willingness to die for it. They enjoy the recipients because of his extreme lend a helping hand and solved the problem after the report to their heartfelt appreciation to the moment. Gradually, between friends and family II has set an image to help others . every time they face the difficulties, they will naturally ask for assistance to II, and II once again to solve their difficulties. This is repeated continuously, from II appeared around people who are a lot of problems All people seem to rely on the II, which makes II produced a feeling of superiority, but also the increasing arrogance of the emotions.
Helping Hand II think they are inevitable, but rarely to the II others for help. On the one hand II focuses on the needs of others and ignore their own needs, even if he is really aware of their needs, will instinctively try to suppress, and even denied; the other hand, II, to others need to put forward their own lack of equal recognition of their skills, put their own side of lack of exposure in front of people, because of their arrogant mood, II will feel extremely ashamed of, so seldom heard other people speak for their assistance II. Nevertheless , II, in some cases will also help to others, but only to help the other person will make. Sometimes callers II will encounter some problems, do not know their own treatment, for the sake of seeking help to solve difficulties, II only to other people for help, but will not be ashamed, because he only on behalf of supplicants seeking a better way. of II, this is still a pay, does not mean he can not afford.
read whereabouts
(1) a preference to choose the object to focus on his / her needs;
(2) distortion of their own to meet the needs of others;
(3) from other people's responses to contrast their own behavior.
results
(1) upon request from the important object identity, attachment of building relationships, interpersonal relationships very seriously;
(3) emotional needs of others are very sensitive to even change themselves to meet their needs (multiple identities);
(4) away from the conflict, with others establish a happy relationship;
(5) often feel a lack of feeling of freedom;
(6) the need for self-confusion, and even inhibit the self-needs;
(7) when not wanted, will become irrational, even hysterical.
strengths
pay, good assistants, generous, romantic, sensual, appreciate grace, energetic, lively, like the expression, take the initiative.
Postscript
[( 1) It is difficult to accept their task, but can not expect to pay after the return, otherwise, is mean and narrow-minded, uneducated and or a mean person. Therefore, II is, to accept himself as a man attempted to pay is really easier said than done!
To prove II is not a pay at the same time, rewarding those who wish, to be very simple. Ask a II, when he was helping other people, if the other party has not accepted, but also On the other hand should not meddle meddlesome II, II to the present reaction? or one of his targets II paid a lot, but it does not have any targets that will feel II do? for the above two cases, II will feel unhappy, even angry. ask if he is without any attempt to pay people, how he would feel unhappy and angry?
II had expressed some If people pay a lot of own goals, but they are still good to others than their own when II feel jealous, jealous of other people they can win the hearts of the target person, because II is eager to take the love of targets . If the target person did not accept their help, II will not be disappointed at times and may even blame themselves well enough, so II will continue to pay more for each other, hope that one day people will be satisfied. he was happy, I will happy However, in the back to help others, if there are their own desires, which will be contrary to the lofty ideals of helping others. In this particularly encouraged II, to be truly selfless devotion, you must first admit that they expect in return is indeed people, and then proceed from this point to improve yourself, be paid a surly person.
[(2) II like to help people is not the patent]
has been a lot of people because he is a like to help others to identify their own personality is II. However, in the nine personality psychology of learning, in addition to II, there are other models also like to help others, but the reasons behind them are not the same. just as九号 personality, who loved to help others because 九号 in the process of helping others, to forget, or even to avoid conflict (refer to 九号); and sixth character, or who, when they saw that some people are behind When the whole team will help the backward people to catch up brigade, because behind the equal risk (refer to VI); Or One character who, if helping others is their standard, they will hand the duty to help solve the problem (refer to One).
help others is an act, you must pay attention to the starting point behind the act. II personality to know whether they are or not, is not that you are not a people who love to help others, others focus on you how strong sensitivity to the needs of whether attention to their image in the eyes of other people, and you often have a hope that delightful heart, and be good match up to other people's needs in mind.
[(3) The second will have no time to help others]
II preferences even helpful, but there will be no time to help others. For those who they think is not the target figure, quickly realized they still II people's needs, but II will not be keen to make the corresponding action, because II did not much like to play an important role in each other's eyes, so they will not help him. For those who do not have cases of progress or improvement the target person (as some have drug addiction or gambling addicts, no matter how you persuade, they can kick the addiction or to relapse again and again by people, by gambling losses) II patience despite the stronger than most people, but also run out one day, then II will be temporarily abandoned, no longer give assistance until the new changes may be only after re-do pay for the targets of action.
[(4) attention to other people II perceptions of their own]
in order to get other people's love, II believe that must take his best show, can give the impression that a good impression. II so often smiling, pleasant, speak the contents of the evasive, Yinwuyangshan, try diplomatically to please other people. II high-level way to help others, usually low-key or secret to make recipients aware of his secret more than help, Yiling feeling II comfortable. If II received some negative comments on their own, they will feel embarrassed, and strive to improve themselves, and even distort the true self, but also not care about.
[(5) use of other people you need to know strengths]
II to be essence of the character of a person to learn the Enneagram is not easy. As mentioned above, first, to pay them to accept that he is behind a person with intent, which is very difficult . Plus, II has the characteristics of others first, to other people's needs, they will immediately detect and take action to II for their own needs, is never realized. In the eyes II If they have problems, how to help others with a role? in their eyes, only the others would be difficult, only II can help them.
For Two, they do not see other people who need all the time help, they never would think it will help end one day. Unfortunately, see II , the other party was the need to help II? In this you may find that people in genuine need, is a strengths is aware of the needs of others, but if you can go further, except to understand other people's needs, also need to know their help is must, otherwise II would make others become dependent on nature, to prevent others from growing , equal to the III has been a steady walk. parents see the inevitable applause while encouraging appreciation loudly. So the world saw III is to be No. I believe to be the world's love, sense of identity depends only on your performance, including the completion of the work and achievements have been obtained. Therefore, the invention automatically III a set of something you want to complete the formation of a strong appreciated by the parents to do, so they feel very good. To this end, they will continue our efforts to accomplish some things that will be appreciated by their parents. every time they are appreciated, they will unconsciously be completed to develop a things, over time, this cycle will become shorter and III will continue to get things done, constantly praise, things done again, and then receive praise.
A III has said, because she has many brothers and sisters and parents has been busy working, things do not quite care about the children, she had never experienced parental concern. until one day, at family gatherings, the mother suddenly in front of many friends and relatives praised her good grades in school. She was very happy finally appreciated by their parents, how exciting! since she will be very hard to expect better results on the test.
III have a share too, until today she still remember my father when she was only four , had a word she said: Why is she only remember these words? because she is Three, so can remember the achievements of her the only relevant thing.) Therefore, she always displayed very hard to study, to obtain excellent results. she was listening to their father, The father also loved her, each time a work of entertainment, his father would take her to attend, and even his mother and siblings are not left out, she can be said to his father's eye. in front of people has been praised her father, her very proud, so some of her father's expectations will be achieved, in the eyes of other people to do a good boy achievement.
Another Three said that she really admired her father since childhood, because her father is competent at work to get a lot of awards, trophies and medals which were placed in a conspicuous place at home, when she looked at the trophy and medals will say to yourself: Be a good person! .
main characteristics of an inertial mode of thought: the vain, boastful
at her young age, participating in group dance, because proficiency skills in no time big sister, it was placed in the back of the humble position She therefore felt unhappy. In order to fight for the front, and she secretly kept at home to practice, sometimes even to avoid being reprimanded by his mother while hiding in the bathroom to practice a new step, and finally appreciated by the coach, was standing in front of the arrangements
natural temperament is the view of the world
One particularly regular biological clock, what time to sleep, wake up hungry, stool and so on, like a clock-like accuracy, not only time, regular, weight is also very consistent. One set is to comply with its own principles, standards of people, so that the world had seen One is that if all the people and things are in line with the standards in their hearts, the world will become perfect. One result is a series around the standard, meet the standards should be, if less than the standard, that is and punishment. One believe that by becoming the most will be resentment, angry and to express criticism of inner dissatisfaction and guilt.
upbringing
When One was a child, their eyes must have a dignified but very popular with the respect or love the characters, who may the teachers, parents or other elders. their instructions, which will be seen as the truth, we must abide by, so they are very reliable these people talk, act, etc., and use them as the instructions of their daily lives. Gradually there will be a No. the formation of another set of rules set, they have got to comply with these rules of life, so in the eyes of adults, number one is very well-behaved child, although children do not speak One word, or do pleasant antics to amuse adults happy, but One will not make their parents angry, they toe out too.
One daughter, a mother asked to go to bed before eight p.m. on the grounds that children need adequate sleep have the spirit of paying attention in class. daughter started to be One of the original due to instinct, to comply with the elders of the instructions, so the heart does not have any unpleasant feeling. when her daughter is slightly larger, between talking to other students learn from the original ten at night when they sleep, since the heart may mothers do not want to comply with the requirements of the moment, and even complain to these requirements, but the insistence of his mother again and again, One would be to suppress the dissatisfaction and resentment go, as the eight p.m. before the habit of sleeping for granted, no objection to comply with, every night obediently submit. That is because at heart she believes that the mother's resentment is wrong, is not. to the high school, due to too much homework, eight p.m. simply can not be completed prior to sleep, so the mother allowed One daughter goes to bed only after the completion of homework. In her mind, there is a new requirement was laid down, that is, homework is more important than going to bed early, since, no matter how long her daughter to bed, still conscious homework as soon as possible go to sleep.
a mother will not let his son in the usual soft drinks, but in the festive days, according to his son's health condition will be deciding whether to grant him a glass of soda. Therefore, in the eyes of his son, is sick can not soda one to follow the rules. eating out, every time the waiter asked what his son wanted to drink, he will look to the eyes of his mother asked, shaking his head when the mother refused, he said humbly to water. Although he did not mind some Yue, but he immediately said to myself, soft drinks are not allowed because I am ill, are not allowed to soft drinks are correct, so the unpleasant feeling that he will soon disappear, and Enron to accept the arrangements for the mother, without any resistance behavior.
main characteristics of an inertial mode of thought: One of the inertia of resentment
critical thinking is a hate criticism. Each time they met a thing or a person, they naturally will be put in front of people and things , and the eyes of standards, regulations or requirements for a comparison. If the result is positive, One would think that it should be, and this is the basic requirement, it will not be appreciated, and will not in mind; if the results display in front of someone or something does not meet the requirements of their hearts, then the heart will criticize and complain One, blame the person does not meet the requirements, as to whether to say, it depends on the environment of the.
One for any do have established criteria, and critical mind at all times operate according these standards. just like subway, One part of the standard is, first, to others, do not choose the location in the lobby entrance, as it will prevent other movement of people; second, if the owner of the Octopus card can be placed directly on the entrance drive, the access time can be accelerated; the third, all in compliance with escalators that even the , everyone should be allowed to get off before entering the cabin; fifth, into the car after the car should be standing in the middle, to allow more people to enter; Sixth, should give your seat to those in need; seventh time in heavy traffic should not read newspapers, on the one hand due to spread out the newspaper will prevent more people to enter, on the other hand spread out the people standing in front of the newspaper will have an impact. One other metro standards, not one by one in this repeat.
Try to imagine a day when the One in the subway when all of these standards will be compared with reality. One has been based on compliance with established standards that are taken for granted and believe that everyone should know how to follow, so encountered unruly, One does not have any feelings, or do not pay attention, it is difficult for others to hear the One highly. In fact, One of this will enable them to focus always on the situation does not meet the standards, in the eyes of the most obvious One, the most easily perceived, and often are below the standards that caused emotional inertia One will be anger.
2 main characteristics of inertia emotions: anger Most of the reality of guilt
people and things do not meet requirements One, it is often filled with emotional heart One wroth. But when these feelings arise, One of the guilt will follow because they did not meet the requirements will soon be put into the sky as a result of their own, and not done its best to blame themselves, not those who teach well in advance, or inadequate preparation. One will sometimes angry reaction to his guilt, One might for, the anger is wrong. As in the subway and found someone who fail, the One will feel angry, and lashed out at the non-, followed by will feel guilty that you can have a better deal method. If the environment is not immediately make him attack, that is not due to other standard regulators can rap, he would feel very uncomfortable, and afterwards only the self-consolation, it will teach them next time.
One had to share one through this experience. When she checks the work of subordinates to submit reports, documentation errors found her immediate reaction was: explain clearly the requirements under the wrong order before, and take immediate remedial measures to ensure the error correction and guaranteed not to repeat.
have a One pointed out that every time he speak with others, as long as the other response is not to he expected, especially some of the negative reactions, such as angry, etc., he would be very worried that his own slip of the tongue. He never thought, may be that unreasonable, or nervousness.
read whereabouts
(1) focus on what is 3) Self-scrutiny is done the right thing;
(4) standards compare with other people.
results
(1) resist the blame and guilt, anything to be done desire release
Psychological Aspects of Enneagram
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